# 1: Mom wants to get in a game of tennis after work so she’ll be “just a little bit late”.

# 2: Dad says instead of picking the 4th grader up at home, he’ll meet you at the ballpark for his game. He promises not to be late so you can be off by your regular time. That’s great except the field is in the opposite direction of your house which means you’ll get home 45 minutes later than usual.

# 3: The parents are going to do a bit of work at home then head out to the beach house mid-morning Friday. They want you to drive the kids down later on in the day after they’ve finished their music lessons. That means you’ll be stuck in the Friday afternoon shore traffic plus you’ll still have to make the drive home before you’re officially off.

As a nanny, you know it’s important to be flexible. And let’s be honest, part of the reason parents hire a nanny is for the convenience factor. But you want to be able to enjoy your summer too. You’d like to join your friends at the pool after work or get an early start on your weekend trip. Yes, you’re the employee but your time is just as valuable as theirs. Your plans are just as important to you as theirs are to them. So what’s a nanny to do?

First, take a deep breathe. These situations almost always trigger our defenses and that mindset won’t help you solve the problem.

Second, try and come up with a few solutions that work for both sides. This is the easy part because nannies are natural problem solvers. For scenario #1, you could drop off your (older) kids at the court with Mom. For #2, you could arrange a ride for your budding baseball player with another mom you often carpool with. For #3, you could reschedule the music lessons so the kids can ride down to the beach house with their parents.

Third, talk with the parent. Start by showing an understanding of where he or she is coming from. Statements like “I know you love playing tennis and after work in the summer is about the only time you get to play outside.”, or “I know it’s important to you to be at Sam’s game and it’s hard juggling that with work.” will go a long way towards setting the stage for a respectful and productive conversation. Follow that with “however”, the ultimate transition word. Then state your boundary. Next propose your solution. Make sure you include all the details and add how it will help both of you.

So if you’re talking to your Mom Boss who wants to get in a game of tennis after work, your response to her might sound something like this.

“I know you love tennis and playing after work is about the only time you get to play outside. The rest of the time you’re stuck in those bubbles. However I have plans tonight and can’t stay late. I can drop the kids off at the court with a backpack full of snacks along with their i-pads at 6.00. You can finish your game while they get in their daily screen time. Will that work for you?”

If she says no, move onto your second possible solution. And third if you have one. But remember, ultimately this is her problem to solve. You’ve given her lots of great choices that will allow her to get her needs met. If none of those work for her, then her last option is to skip tennis and come home on time. What I find is that parents usually jump on the solutions presented if, and this is a big if, they take your boundary seriously. And that has little to do with them and a lot to do with you. Have you set boundaries in the past and stuck to them or have you caved when the parents applied a little pressure? Each time you cave, you’re teaching them that the way to get what they want is to apply pressure. As a nanny, you know better. That’s why with kids when you say no you stick to it. Because if you don’t, you know what’s going to happens the next time the same situation comes up.

If you haven’t been sticking to your boundaries, don’t worry. It’s never too late to start. Going back to our example, if the mom rejects the solutions presented then restate your boundary. That might sound something like this. “I’m sorry none of those solutions work. However I do still need to be off by 6:00.” Yes, this is incredibly hard to do but the alternative, living with being consistently taken advantage of, is even harder. And yes, a mom who’s used to getting her own way will probably give you some push back or a huffy attitude. But let those things go for now. Focus on stating and restating your boundary (I call this a broken record statement) and reaching your goal; getting off on time. Each time you define and stick to your boundaries, you’re teaching your employers how you expect to be treated. This can truly transform a relationship.

So now go out and enjoy the summer!!

Lora Brawley

Nanny care expert specializing in helping parents and nannies effectively navigate the hiring / job search process and develop long-term, successful employment relationships. Creator of the A to Z Nanny Contract and National Nanny Training Day.. Also a communications trainer, Positive Discipline Parent Educator and Mediator.

    

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First, take an honest assessment of what your stumbling blocks might be. Don’t simply list the ones you feel are valid. List the ones that you might come up against in your job search. Weight, not having a degree, being on a job for a short period of time, being on a job for a long period of time, being new to the local area, not having experience with a certain age, being young, being old, bringing your own child to work. There are lots of things that can stand between you and the right job.

Second, address your stumbling blocks in your job search portfolio. No, you’re not going to come out and say “Hey you don’t have to worry that I’m too old to keep up with a toddler. I’m in great shape for my age!” You’re going to address the issues in a subtle, positive way. By taking the proactive approach and tackling the issues in your job search portfolio, you’re calming the fears and debunking the myths before they get a chance to derail your job search.

Some nannies take the tactic that they’ll address them if they come up in the interview. Bad idea. Most of the time, you’ll never get to the interview. Your stumbling block most likely will move you to the “we’ll pass on her” pile. If you do happen to make it to the interview, the family has already had plenty of time to solidify their beliefs about you. Truth and fairness have nothing to do with it. We all have assumptions we make about others based on our own belief system and life experiences.

What more information on addressing your stumbling blocks? Check out the e-book The Nanny Job Search Portfolio: The Secret to Landing the Interview and Winning The Job.  It gives you a step-by-step planning for being proactive.

Lora Brawley

Nanny care expert specializing in helping parents and nannies effectively navigate the hiring / job search process and develop long-term, successful employment relationships. Creator of the A to Z Nanny Contract and National Nanny Training Day.. Also a communications trainer, Positive Discipline Parent Educator and Mediator.

    

Please note: Quality on this episode is not optimal. We are working to correct the problem. 

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The Sessions

1. Your Job Search Paperwork: Resumes, Portfolios and other Tools

2. Everything You Need to Know About Getting and Using Reference Letters

3. Developing Your Job Search Strategy

4. How to Use an Agency to Your Best Advantage

5. How to Use an Online Job Site to Your Best Advantage

6. Understanding What Parents Are Looking For and Defining What You Offer

7. The Smart Strategy for Setting Your Wage and Benefit Package

8. Fundamental Interviewing Skills for Nannies

9. Overcoming Your Stumbling Blocks

10. Using Curiosity Questions to Uncover a Family’s Real Needs

11. The Art of Selling Who You Are and What You Offer

12. Figuring Out If a Family Is a Good Match to What You Want and Need

13. Reference Checking a Potential Family

14. Negotiating Your Way to a Competitive Compensation Package and Happy Work Environment

15. Developing a Comprehensive Contract: The Cornerstone of Nanny Success

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